Gurgaon Roads are amazing! On the same road sometimes you see a pig, sometimes a Bentley, and sometimes, a pig in the Bentley! So said a famous stand-up comedian. This time I won’t give his name. You want to guess it?
But you don’t have to guess this one – I am sure you remember some of the road signs, that is in case you get to see them, from the road sign test when you appeared for your first driver’s license. The road signs whose absence is the most ubiquitous are – the give way, one way, no overtaking, no left turn, no right turn, speed breaker ahead, pothole ahead, moon crater ahead, vehicle breaker ahead, only military tanks allowed. Okay I invented the last 4, but you know where I am going with this.
Speaking of going somewhere, if getting ahead of the traffic was a contest only between vehicles that drive fast and those that fly low, life would have been easy. Sometimes, on a two-lane road it can be a forever contest between vehicles at 28 kmph and 28.05 kmph with nothing to slow them but the giant road craters and the vehicles themselves being beyond the weight limit of the road! And your efforts at vigorously honking at them, are taken by them as your hooting for them.
The thrill that Gurgaon roads provide you of driving on them is unmatched. The depth of the craters covered with rain water is so suspenseful that you keep wondering to yourself whether passing through a crater is shock absorbing, shocker breaking, bum tossing or air flinging! By the way, you cannot always accuse rain for the water filling the crater, sometimes the water can also be served fresh from sewage lines!
When the heat beaten citizenry of Gurgaon pray to God for rains, they forget that the rains beat down heavily on the roads too, converting the roads into muddy craters. And when you pray for rain, read the title for the rest! The environmentally sensitive authorities, of course, know that the if good office-going citizens of Gurgaon can get over a Monday, they can also get over the craters. Won’t the repair works add to pollution? If the rains convert the millennium city into a millennium village with one downpour, so be it!
Meanwhile, leaked excerpts from my conversation with BSRO (Bharat Space Research Organisation):
Me: Madam, are you landing the Gurgaonyaan on the Golf Course Extension Road?
BSRO: No.
Me: Why?
BSRO: We are confused about the depth of the craters on the Golf Course Extension Road.
Me: How can that be? You have the world’s most advanced sensors.
BSRO: Last we checked the government is looking to hire lifeguards in case anybody falls inside them. For all we know the craters could be too deep for Gurgaonyaan to climb out of!
Denzel Washington. What about him? I was watching the movie ‘The Equalizer’ in which he says, “You pray for rain, you’re gonna deal with the mud too!”
Now who is spreading the rumour that this opinion piece is about Trudeau? It has nothing to do with the mud of loneliness that the just-out or Justin, whatever his first name is, Trudeau has landed himself into. Last heard he was praying for a rain of world leaders’ support over the credible allegations he levelled against Bharat, behind which probably lies the incredible evidence that no one has seen or heard of!