You have to be talented enough to find a moment of boredom in India, especially on our TV, social media, print media, and WhatsApp.
The PM announced the 7 austerity measures and gili gili chhoo – just like that a billion and a half expressions started pouring over on whatever media people could lay their hands on.
This one is mine.
Never waste a good crisis, especially if you are an existing or an aspiring social media influencer / finfluencer. Each creator is geo-economist, a geopolitical strategist whose thumbnail is yelling BIG CRISIS.
The way some creators are bundling crude oil dependency, inflation risks, rupee pressure, car-pooling, public transport, travel avoidance, WFH 2.0, buying desi and gold imports in a 30-second reel would put Indian mothers who pack 14 outfits in one suitcase, to shame.
Some are even asking their followers to not travel from one room to another.
Then there are those who are dropping ultra-nationalist cinematic reels of walking instead of driving shot by drone (battery powered, so no problem), with emotional background music adding to the gravity, and “sacrifice” aesthetics.
Never mind if one of the influencers is explaining fuel conservation while recording from her idling SUV.
The community of TV anchors is one of absolute diversity. Some are framing national discipline, others are ringing economic alarm bells, and others still, are leaning on high-decibel nationalism. Some angles they are trying to explore, are: Are long drives anti-national? What should be done to parents who are not collaborating for school pick-ups and drops? Why do women buy gold? Small detail – only last week an anchor’s wife placed a jewellery order which she won’t cancel this week.
They are oscillating between being media sages giving out Vedic advice of slow living, minimalism, intentional travel, and mindful consumption on one hand, to BREAKING NEWS on the other – Citizen spotted using car for grocery purchase. The creative team is busy putting up huge red graphics, the anchor is coining a BIG NATIONAL QUESTION or two. And the five guests on the show are ready to slit each other’s throat with no one answering the real question.
Incidentally, the anchors and the guests travelled individually in their fuel guzzling SUVs to the studios. Traveling together could have invited serial killings in the car.
Corporates are not to be left behind. HR issued a few circulars – To support national fuel conservation, employees are encouraged to think before using office chairs with wheels. Lift usage above the 3rd floor requires managerial approval. As part of the national interest, all meetings longer than 12 minutes will now be emails.
Imagine driving your wife to the mall or dinner and the parking attendant asking you, ‘Sir, is this trip essential for the nation?’
Brands are cashing in. They are 48 hours away from launching: Patriotism Cashback Week.
One startup launched “AI-enabled patriotism tracking”.
By evening, our society WhatsApp group had:
(1.) Banned second trips to the grocery store,
(2.) Proposed biometric tracking for vehicle usage,
(3.) Suspended learners’ driving,
(4.) Accused Flat 302, Tower B of “anti-national idling”. It was actually their kid secretly video calling his girlfriend in Paris since his father did not allow unnecessary foreign travel.
Petrol prices haven’t increased yet. But emotionally, the Indian middle class has already entered recession.
Clearly, India cannot experience a simple advisory quietly. Everything must become a debate, or a moral movement, or a LinkedIn lesson, or a startup opportunity, or a Meta Reel / carousel, or a thread tweet, or a WhatsApp PhD thesis.
Me? I am considering:
(1.) Banning pressure cooker usage after 8 pm.
(2.) Launching a LinkedIn series titled “5 Ways to Detect Scooter Misuse in Your Neighbourhood”
(3.) And walking the 100 metres to my office while filming it cinematically for national morale.
The first idea has already been rejected at home on security grounds. My security!
You? Decide for yourself!
PS: Since no name has been given to this measure / drive, I am calling it Atm-niyantrit Bharat. Why? Because it sounds like the sibling of Aatmnirbhar Bharat.